Lost in transition, could definitely use some help haha

I'm currently uploading another, very non entertaining Vlog to YouTube. They aren't entertaining (all 190 something! Oy) probably because I never thought I'd be in front of a camera. I've never made videos to entertain, I've made videos ever since nov 2008, and they have always been published at usually 4 or 5 am, after hours of me exhausted washing myself, changing a shirt, or trying to feed myself by myself. Now for four years, my parents want me home. Why wouldn't they? They are parents! No parent wants to be away from their child, at least I know I wouldn't....
My parents are different. They want me to go back to a place that I can't live comfortably, NJ. The laws are not yet ready, the weather would keep me indoors and be NJ bored. Not living here in LA, meeting so many incredible people, and possibly the chance to make a difference. Pretty much all that I love in my life. It all started when I left NJ. This life is everything to me.

Now my parents do support me to a degree, but in a very particular way, it's all controlled by them, and everything needs to go through them first. Ignoring my words, or experience, knowing exactly how I need to live, because I've been doing it for 4 years now. Honestly I'm really the only one who knows how to survive, they just don't like to listen. My guess is fear. My disease always causes people to become emotional. Especially the closer the person is to me.

However they really don't want me to succeed here. They support me just enough to almost fail. Similar to the way the government treats the disabled. I'm not trying to be cruel or ungrateful, but lets just say they don't exactly see at all why I live her. (I don't know how, but..) I often feel more as a financial burden then anything else, and that's about it. Kinda like an obligation. To be honest, it hurts. My only emotional support is from the amazing people I connect with online. Now I'm very thankful and lucky, as it could be worse, but it's getting to get extremely difficult just staying healthy...

I love my parents very much, but right now, when I need as much help as I do, they are pre occupied. I often find myself with nobody to call but my friends mom, I feel quite alone, but not scared. Just alone. I know this feeling. I'm used to it :)

I realize how scary it may be to be them. However, while they are busy being worried/not worried to keep their peace of mind, time goes by and I have only been getting weaker with less and less help. "My choice" as my father says, but it's the very doctor he sent me to that told me to move to California for my health. I don't know what it's like to be a father... I hope I find out some day. I just hear how fear can take over, and it has.

I live here to fulfill my heart.
I live here to show others the possibility.
I live here because I can access my medicine here.
I live here because my 83 lb body can't take any cold.
I live here because I love my life here

As much as my parents as well as nay sayers don't want me to, or think I can live my dream... Bad news..

There isn't a thing that can stop me.

I could fall
I could be homeless
I could be even skinnier
I could be forced to move to Mexico or a cheap cheap dangerous place
I could lose all financial support

But ill do it all with a smile on my face. With my head held high. I am Mike Oliveri, and nothing in 4 years has, not will ever stop me. I may stumble, but, never will I stop. That's death's job ;)

I'll never, ever, ever give up.
Just trying to clear the fog

Love
Mikey